How To Have a Happy Relationship
How do you create a happy relationship? Do you find yourself doing all you can only to find your relationship isn’t making you happy? Do you struggle to communicate? Do you find yourself failing to resolve your differences?
If you said yes to any of these questions you need to read this series of articles. In the next few weeks we are going to investigate the question “How to Have a Happy Relationship”. As we go through the research you will learn the key factors that make a relationship happy. You’ll also learn what stops you from having a happy relationship?
Happy secure people seeking their own fulfilment create happy relationships!
Contrary to popular belief relationships don’t make you happy. In fact unless you learn some key skills and beliefs your relationship is more likely to make you less happy. Why you might ask. The answer is found when you understand that partnering increases the number of potential differences you have whilst simultaneously preventing you from just leaving.
In a situation where you are thrust together with another person you must have differences. Differences ranging from the distribution of work, ideas around tidiness, interior design, raising the children or who to spend the weekend with. Think about it? Prior to partnering you don’t have these conflicts. You simply run your own show and do everything your way.
So what is the secret to a happy relationship?
Happy, secure people learning how to thrive in life make for happy relationships. People who depend on others for stimulation so they can be happy are doomed. What if one day your partner forgets to do that thing you love? Guess what your happiness quotient goes down. What if their mother dies or their is a crisis at work that demands their attention and they aren’t as available to you as they were before? Guess what your happiness quotient goes down.
Dependence on another person for your happiness is a precarious place to be because your happiness depends on their performance. But don’t despair there’s a better way. A way that means you will have a whole lot more fun, romance and relating. But the secret is in self development, not other development.
Happy People Relate Happily
Life is a puzzle. If you learn how to get the best out of what life presents you will be a happy secure and fulfilled person. You will thrive. It is true that sometimes when lifes challenges are very hard finding the sunlight in winter is a trick but it is still doable. The important thing to realise however is that people who focus on learning how to run this thing called a life properly learn how to be happy, fulfilled and secure in their own right, independent of others.
The Paradox of Self Determined Happiness and Security
The hard part to understand is that by becoming independent of others for your happiness, security and fulfillment you free yourself from the vulnerability of dependence. While this sounds at first to be a lonely prospect the opposite is true. Happy, secure, people learning to thrive in life are much more likely to be able to give and receive all the good things we seek in relationships. They are more likely to be able to be supportive, compassionate, kind, companionable. People who are on the journey of getting the best from life are more likely to be flexible, adaptable, fun and exciting.
Think about this who is more likely to be the most enjoyable person to partner with? Someone who is dependent, who doesn’t know much about thriving in life, someone with a negative bias and dependent personality traits or someone who is independent, who knows how to thrive, someone who has a positive bias and an easy going independent personality? It really isn’t a hard question to answer is it.
Focus on Self Improvement
If you want to enjoy a happy relationship you need to learn how to be happy, secure and you need to pursue your own fulfillment. You need to stop depending on your partner for happiness, security and fulfilment. If you do you will begin to feel carefree and happy, the pressure and stress will fall away and you will become available to be the best partner you could possibly be.
Stop Trying to Make Your Partner Make You Happy
It is true that when we stop trying to manage our partners we begin first lesson in becoming a happy secure individual. It is also true that as we develop our partners may or may not change. If they don’t and they are unpleasant to live with then it might be time to move on. If on the other hand you start to let go any attempts to improve them you may be surprised to find that they begin to flourish and come out of their shell. They might even surprise you and start to grow and develop themselves.
In the next post we are going to look at the how of becoming happy, secure and fulfilled. Over the next few articles you’ll get some great ideas about how to uplift yourself so you don’t need to be uplifted by your partners.